That Gut Feeling

A gut feeling. We’ve all had it. That poisonous, toxic sensation that something has gone terribly wrong in our strictly ordered lives. The feeling that the ground beneath us is crumbling while we’re struggling, losing our footing. Collapsing into something deeper then we could ever handle.

We know some people so well that in some circumstances, all it takes is a word for us to register that something isn’t right. Like a hanging frame that isn’t sitting quite right, it’s a subtle change.

(But a change none the less)

Sometimes all it takes is a text out of the blue to cause our lives to become fragmented, cracked. Something so small that we shouldn’t register it.

(but we do)

We automatically think the worst, because in this society, we’ve been programmed to think about the most horrible situation and multiply it by 10. At least that way, if it comes true, you can say you were right.

(Admittedly, being right doesn’t keep you warm at night nor does it keep the demons from spreading themselves over you as you sleep. Neither does it prevent the sadness from engulfing you entirely and completely)

That feeling in the pit of your stomach. The heart in your throat. The faster the breath, the more irregular as you begin to mentally shuffle through those “Worst Case Scenarios” which more often then not involve those we love. Those who we haven’t told how much they mean to us. Because we thought we’d always have time.

(Unfortunately, time always seems to be running out, a fact we realise, but choose to ignore)

And when the phone rings or the doorbell chimes, when some well-meaning fool sits you down and fixes you with a stare that penetrates to your soul, you just know that the news you’re about to hear is something you’d rather not bother knowing.

(After all, ignorance really is bliss)

And the facts come swimming in and collide with a large wall entitled “DENIAL” and no matter how many things keep running into it, your denial stays strong.

Until you wake up and realise that it really is true. That bad things do happen to good people. All we can do is keep on moving forward in this bizarre concept we refer to as “life”

(I’ll take mine with two lumps of denial and a sprinkling of ignorance.)